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February 24th, 2006
01:54 pm - Name change
I need to change my lj name. Here are some ideas. I don't particularly love any of them but... Any comments, likes, dislikes, suggestions?
buyersremorse
nanolj (now with nanotechnology!)
sweaterpuppy
fenestra
lol
lollers
ejectorseat
irregardless
wayofthedodo
fridges
slactivist
dirtybomb
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December 18th, 2005
12:36 am - Hairy Pothead
Tonight was a minor social disaster. I was supposed to meet a friend at a movie theater. I went and waited where I said I would until 20 minutes past when the movie was supposed to start and then went in. When I got out I had 4 messages on my machine with her voice getting more and more miserable and angry that I wasn't there. She made me feel like I'd done something wrong but I don't think I did. I can't think of any reason to feel sorry. The only thing I can think of is take my cell phone into the theater but I don't usually carry around my cell phone and certainly not in a theater. So I figure she pretty much hates me now. But I don't think I deserve it.
What's the proper thing to do when you agree to meet at a movie and one person doesn't show up? I would do just what I did which was go into the theater and keep an eye out for them.
I sympathize with her for having to take a bus and go out in the cold and all but I don't know. Is a guy supposed to just suck it up when a woman is upset at him even if he's done nothing wrong? Should I just say I'm sorry and not defend myself? I suppose that would be the gentlemanly thing to do.
P.S. She just AIM'd me and she's not mad. Phew. So everything's fine. Nevermind!
P.S.S. The movie was Hairy Pothead and the Goblet of Fire. It was just fair. I din't like it that much. I think the last one was better, just a little. This one was scarier and more gruesome. Not for little kiddies. And there was tons of stuff about adolescence; first dates, battle of the sexes stuff. Kinda corny, even for teenagers! I sat next to an elderly couple who seemed to love the corny parts! They cooed and awed at those parts. But I definitely wanted to bang Hermione! Just kidding. She actually looked pretty much the same. The two boys looked much older tho. Prof Snape is by far my favorite. He steals every scene he's in. I'd like to see a whole movie about him. He's totally goth and sarcastic.
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December 15th, 2005
10:32 am - Oral sex thermometer
Maybe it’s a function of my viewing too much Internet porn but I find this product shocking in it’s blatant sexuality! Is it a golden dildo erupting snugly from the lips of a libidinous beast? Au contraire. It’s a thermometer imprinted with an advertisement for--of all things--a funeral home! Were they unaware of fellatio in 1932 when this indelicate item was produced? Apparently not in the funeral home industry or among the innocent (or perhaps devious?) souls who designed this promotional product.
More images and full story here.
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December 14th, 2005
12:36 pm - Fishy Phone Call Equals Grounds for Bush Impeachment
When someone calls my land line it's always something "fishy". Anyone who knows me calls me on my cellphone since my land line is always busy due to my chronic internet dependency. The only time the line is not busy is when I'm lying in bed, thus my horizontal position precludes internet use.
Today I was rousted from blissful slumber by a call to my land line that made my spidey-sense tingle. A man with a voice like a bounty hunter, or at least a heavy drinker, named Wayne Jeffries, asked if this was the [my last name] residence. I said yes. He asked if I would write a note for someone who lives at an address directly across the street with his phone #360-885-2319 on it, and tape the note onto her door. He said the person's phone # was not working and wanted her to call him. I asked what it was regarding or what his relationship with her was and he said, "It's just a personal call."
Possibly this could be a perfectly innocent request but somehow it seems very odd. So I did what any cough*paranoid*cough normal person would do and did some internet snooping! It turns out I WAS RIGHT!
A search for the phone #360-885-2319 turned up this link which describes the dishonest and possibly illegal debt collection practices of Fidelity Collection Service. I never knew my neighbor but I know the house has been vacant for about two months and it's being remodelled so that kind of gets me off the hook anyway. But what would you have done? If she were living there, would you still leave the note on the door? Or would you call back Wayne Jeffries of the Fidelity Collection Service and tell him you found out about their questionable practices and would not be an accessory to the commission such an endeavor?
What's the connection to impeachment? It's as clear as day: According to the website, Fidelity Collection Service is a contractee of Qwest Dex (the telephone directory), which is in turn owned by The Carlyle Group, which, it is well-known, is a private investment consortium whose members include George Bush Senior and his cronies. When Bush Senior dies, G.W. Bush--our current President--will inherit some of the ill-gotten gains from The Carlyle Group. Therefore G.W. Bush is personally responsible for rudely rousting me from my warm bed and demanding that I harass my neighbor (who is Black, by the way, proving that George Bush does not care about Black people!) with illegal bill collection practices! Clearly grounds for impeachment!!!!! BLLAAAAARRGGGG!!!!
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/happy.gif) Funny
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December 13th, 2005
02:24 am - Kiss Kismet!
A little tidbit: Today (ok, a week ago) as I unwrapped a Hershey's kiss--one of the four essential food groups--gravity took it's wrathful toll and my freshly nudified kiss went plummeting to the floor. My gaze descended fearing I'd see my naked kiss rolling forlornly on the unspeakably grimey floor. But lo it was my great kismet that my pants cuff caught the wayward kiss in it's tender embrace! My morsel was plucked from certain demise by a fortuitous fold of fabric.
*Actual photo - Not a re-enactment. I hopped over to my locker to get my camera.
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November 25th, 2005
02:02 am - Funny video clip
http://www.goodiebag.tv/odds/proper_words_song.htm
The Proper Words Song
"A fortysomething man in overalls sings about proper terminology for your anatomy. You don't often see a song played on a miniature guitar that contains the word 'vulva'."
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October 31st, 2005
08:42 pm
Sorry I haven't written much since I got a job. It just hasn't been appealing. It doesn't seem so important lately. But anyway, here I am. This is going to be a boring post about work hours and staffing needs, just letting you know.
Regarding the other job at Swedish hospital; It possesses many advantages but aslo some risks. If I didn't already have a job, I'd definitely grab it but I now have a job that's pretty much equivalent so I'd be risking giving up a good thing for an unknown thing.
The advantages of the Swedish job include the shift; 7 days on, 7 days off. That means every week I'd get a week off. That also means it would be easy to take a 3 week vacation simply by missing one week of work. In my current job, in order to take a 3 week vacation I'd need to miss 3 weeks of work.
The disadvantage of the Swedish job is that it's only 56 hours per pay period, or 28 hours a week. That's not enough money for me. So I'd need to pick up extra shifts. According to the manager this is highly likely but not gauranteed since there's no predicting what the staffing needs will be. I could possibly find an every-other-weekend job for some additional hours but that would be a challenge.
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October 21st, 2005
08:51 pm - Transcribing Entrails
Well, I’ve been training on my new job for a 4 days now. I have a good conception of what the job entails. (Ever notice that ‘entails’ and ‘entrails’ are only one letter apart? Coincidence? I think not!)
Anyway, it’s a lot of shuffling papers, answering phones and a surprising amount of "transcribing"; literally copying notes word-for-word from one worksheet to another. I spend hours a day copying words verbatim, BY HAND, onto various triplicate forms. There must be a hundred different forms to fill out! It’s straight out of the movie Brazil, I’m telling you. Hell, we even have an elaborate pneumatic tube system come to think of it! Just like in the movie.
But all this transcribing and filling out forms makes me fear for my job. It feels so antiquated that I’m sure any day now the role I’m performing will be replaced by computer. I’m very surprised it has not been already. I guess it’s just a matter of the administrators of the hospital not wanting to make the investment in a computer system to perform the role.
I suppose a Unit Clerk will still have a role to play even when all the forms are computerized because anything that the hospital can get a Unit Clerk to do for half the pay of a nurse, they will eagerly oblige.
Nurses make so much money. Damn I wish so badly that I wanted to be a nurse. Fresh out of school, they start at $25/hr base pay. Plus they get $3-5/hr for evening or night shift, plus another dollar or so an hour for various specialty certifications that only take a few hundred hours of school to get. Plus they have ample opportunity to work overtime. Plus you could be a travelling nurse and make half again as much plus free room and board if you were willing to work temorarily in another city. Plus they have a wide variety of shifts and jobs to choose from and ample opportunities for advancement. Plus my hospital will pay you $5000/year towards your nursing-related academic expenses if you choose to persue a nursing degree. So basically, with less than a Bachelor's degree, you could have employers begging you to work for them for $25 - $50/hr right out of school. Arg.
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October 18th, 2005
03:38 pm - Another Interview
I'm on my way to another interview, this time with Swedish Hospital. Yes, I already accepted the job at UWMC, and I'm a week into orientation, but I figure it'll be worth my while to attend this interview to see what's up at Swedish. It's another chance to wear my suit with the too-tight pants; and that's always a good thing! I'm concerned about how to answer any questions about where I'm working currently or when I'd be available to start working if offered this position. I think it would seem rather flakey if I told them I just started a new job but am looking for a change. Oh well, I guess I'll ad lib something. Maybe I'll tell them I prefer to work at Swedish and that will make them feel special.
The job I'm applying for is in the Emergency Department which is more fun than Oncology. (Plus I think chicks will think it's cooler?) It's much closer to my house so less money to pay for gas. At Swedish, I'm thinking there will be a greater possibility of working overtime if I so choose since there are numerous job openings for Unit Coordinators all over the hospital.
On the other hand, the advantages of the UWMC are that, well, I already have a job there and the people seem nice. They have a good benefits package but, I would assume, so does Swedish. At UWMC I'm working for the State of Washington which somehow makes me feel more secure and they have a pension plan. But that's probably foolish. Anyway, I'll see what I'm offered and go from there.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/calm.gif) calm
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October 17th, 2005
03:03 am - Urine Interupting Interloper
I just had a new and unique experience...in a public restroom. Intrigued? I thought so!
Picture it: a large restroom in a movie theater with 7 total recepticles from which to choose; 4 urinals, 3 stalls. I ducked into said restroom before the start of the movie. I'm blissfully alone with nothing but my thoughts reflecting off the glossy tiles. In the middle of doing my business, a man enters and instead of choosing one of the 3 open urinals or one of the open stalls, he queues up directly behind me as if mine was the only unit available! WTF?!
I'm a bit pee shy and if there's some one else in the restroom when I enter, I'll head for a stall and plug fingers in my ears to trick myself into thinking I'm alone. It's always a risk to choose a urinal in that my solitude may be severed without warning. Hence the above situation is pretty much a worst case scenario. Not only am I now decidedly not alone but am under pressure to perform lest I inconvenience my new interloper.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/confused.gif) confused
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October 13th, 2005
07:27 pm - Tidbit
I had a brief conversation with my new counterpart on my unit. She will be training me in the ways of the Force, my young Jedi. Like how to use the Force to discharge a patient in the hospital database. We're talking some serious ninja shit here!
I like her and she has radiant skin which is always a plus. Sorry, I'm a man. She's in her mid-20's and has worked in that position 5 years. In a way that's encouraging since, if the job really sucked someone wouldn't stick around for 5 years.
Anywho, she did one funny, passive-agressive thing worth noting.
I said, "I met Sue, the Nurse Manager."
She looked at me blankly as if in non-recognition.
I repeated, "Sue, she's a Nurse Manager right?"
She said, "No."
....long silence....
I said, "Is there as Sue who works here?"
She said, "Yeah, she's the Assistant Nurse Manager."
ARG! Hahah! How could I be so totally wrong as to mistake the Nurse Manager for the Assistant Nurse Manager and could she not have volunteered that information rather than making me drag it out of her?
It's no big deal, like I said, she seems nice in general. It was just a little tidbit that stuck in my mind. Hi-ho, Hi-ho, it's off to work I go.
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October 11th, 2005
09:46 am - Do you, Doran, hereby take this pension plan 'til Death do you part?
Two different people insulted me regarding my last journal entry. I think that's a record! It's ok tho, it makes things interesting. Some wise person said you don't learn anything if everyone around you agrees with you.
Anywho, today we were presented with our benefits options in new employee orientation. Most of it was the standard fare; pick your medical plan, life insurance etc. Then came the craptacularly complicated and stress-inducing pension plan options! The word of the hour was IRREVOCABLE. Once a pension plan is chosen it is IRREVOCABLE. Your choice to participate or not is irrevocable. That means that if, at a later date you want to join the pension plan, you can't! You must choose now or forever regret it for the next 30 years! You choice of optional employee contribution is irrevocable as is the amount of you optional contribution. I can think of no other life choice with such long term consequences with room to wiggle, negotiate or change your mind. Even with marriage, you can choose a trial separation! It's rather frightening knowing that in your youth, the way you answer a problem (what pension plan to choose) with an ambiguous solution (the optimal choice is as unknowable as the future itself) will have major consequenses on the later quarter of your life (from age 65 unto death).
I'd like to contribute a generous amount to a retirement plan but I just don't have any surplus income right now. Nor do I foresee my income increasing unless I earn another degree or change my personality. My fixed costs for subsistence are just about the same as my income. That's rather depressing since I live with extreme frugality but that's another topic.
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October 10th, 2005
06:01 am - First day of orientation
I was chatting with this girl who I befriended because she was one of the few new employees who's job was not more prestigious than my own. Her short stature and white-trash clothing made me feel more at ease. My low self-esteem draws me to others of a similar bent, I guess.
She mentioned the earthquake in Pakistan. I said, "Yeah, it seems like there's a new natural disaster every week!" I was happy to be having a pleasant conversation, not feeling the intense anxiety around her that I feel around the men and women with higher-paying jobs and better haircuts who were cold to me.
Then she said, "Do you believe in Christ?"
"No," I said, nervous but emphatic.
"Well, all these disasters kind of make you think! I believe it's part of the prophesy of the end times."
ARRG!! You've got to be kidding me! First of all, how is that even a remotely appropriate comment in a professional environment? With such a lack of understanding of prevailing workplace conversational boundaries, it's no wonder she hasn't advanced to an administrative level. Second of all, WTF? Why did I gravitate towards the Jesus freak of the class? The people I actually feel comfortable around always turn out to be freaks of one kind or another. I guess I'm still the socially incompetent dork I was in grade school. Well, that's not news to me. This just reinforces it.
Then I was so flustered by her comment, that I failed to recognize my new direct supervisor; the woman who I interviewed with and who hired me! I saw the woman waving at me while I was walking back to orientation class with Jesus Girl and I thought, "Gee that woman looks familiar, where do I know her from?" But it wasn't until I was well past her that I realized who she was. I smiled at her, but in that way you smile when you don't really know why your being smiled at. After a minute I even walked back towards her thinking I'd make some conversation. I stopped and spied on her from afar. She looked busy with two other supervisor-types and I was too scared to go up to her. Yes, I really do have social anxiety and it adversely affects my personal and professional life in concrete ways. My first social faux pas and I haven't even started working yet!
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October 9th, 2005
08:52 am - Starting work tomorrow.
The following is the kind of entry everyone says they don't want to read. The one's about, "Today I went shopping, then I had lunch, then the bus driver was a jerk..." etc. Well too bad.
Today I went shopping! I bought a few dress shirts and a nice tie at Nordsrom's Rack. That's like the factory outlet for the Nordstom chain, in case it's just a local thing. I found out that my shirt size is 15 1/2 neck and 31 arm according to the dude with the tape measure. Too many dress shirts are cut way too loose for the average slim guy (ASG), such as myself. I guess they cut 'em that way so fatsos can wear the shirts but for the ASG it makes for a poofy shirt with too much fabric to tuck neatly into the slacks. I know this cuz after I asked the sales clerk if there were some slim fit brands he could recommend for me, I heard another ASG ask the same exact question not 2 minutes later! Stupid obese people, making it so shirts don't fit the ASG! Fat people must die! (Just kidding!)
Ok, now I'm going to complain about shaving. I HATE, HATE, HATE shaving once a day. And by the way, I also HATE shaving once a day. It's soooo uncomfortable. Even with all the nurturing preparation in a steamy shower using expensive shaving products in sophisticated, urban packaging. It's uncomfortable to do it, and uncomfortable for the rest of the day. It makes my bike helmet strap uncomfortable too. And anything that impedes my bike riding bliss makes me an unhappy camper!
I have very dense, dark facial hair which makes matters worse. If I were rich, I wold totally get the folicles lasered into oblivion. If that even works. I don't mind it so much if I can go 3 or 4 days to allow the hair and a layer of protective skin to grow back. The resulting shave is close and relatively comfortable. But shaving every day is like scraping a razor-sharp steel blade across your most sensitive skin parts that have not had a chance to recover from the last time they were scraped raw. It's an aweful LOT like that! It feels like picking a scab repeatedly and never having a chance to heal.
So much about being an average office dude is a mystery to me, but resistance is futile. Dress shirts, ironing, shaving, dress shoes. I never wanted to be this. I wanted to be an artist with 5 days stubble and a faded black t-shirt accented paint splatters.
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October 5th, 2005
06:31 am - My Housemate Lurking
My housemate is here. First time he's been here for two weeks. That's fine with me but when he is here, with his sinister footsteps, it makes me SOOO nervous! I hold my breath every time I hear his footsteps approach my side of the house, worrying that he'll knock on my door and ask me something. I'd really rather have him call me on my cellphone from his room to my room and make an appointment, crazy as that sounds.
I can't stand the idea of being interrupted at any time without warning. I'm usually sitting in my room, unshowered, half-clothed and trying to manage my everyday anxiety by getting lost in cyberspace. The spectre of being jarred out of my mindless stupor at any moment by my housemate is really stressing me out. Fortunately he's only here an hour a week!
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October 4th, 2005
04:43 pm - The 9th best PSR I can be.
Well, I accepted the job offer as a Patient Services Representative, whatever the hell that is. I will represent Patient Services? *Does interpretive dance* "What are you doing, Doran?" "I'm representing Patient Services in the form of interpretive dance!"
I perform patient services, not represent them. That would be like representing myself. "Hi, self. What can I do for me today?" Hmm, I just realized how similar that title is to that of my last job; Customer Service Representative. If only my pay were a function of the number of letters in my job title!
It's nice to be part of a nationally top-rated organization. UWMC is ranked the 9th best hospital in the US, out of over 2113. There's a certain pride in that. Therefore I'm going to challenge myself to be the 9th greatest PSR I can possibly be! HAHA.
Sucks that I have to conform to a 'business casual' dress code. I was really hoping I'd get to wear scrubs. Scrubs are awesome. It's like wearing pajamas to work every day. No worry about shopping, laundering, color coordinating etc. Now I have to go buy a bunch of button-down shirts. Yucky. I don't think there's any room for wardrobe 'creativity' in a hospital setting. Oh well, in a way, a 'unform' appeals to me. Fewer choices to make. Like that one scene in the movie 9 1/2 Weeks that's always appealed to me. Do I mean the scene were Kim Basinger was writhing around in her undies perfoming fellatio on ripe strawberries? Surprisingly no! I'm talking about the shot of Mickey Rourke's wardrobe. It was a rack of 20 or so of the exact same business suit, lined up like flat soldiers. God, that would be great; no decisions to agonize over.
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02:30 pm
Cheryl from the UW job called me again and says I should be receiving a call within the hour offering me the position and a salary. Goddamn, I'm so nervous. Much more nervous than at the interview. It's like, at the interview, I could pretend to be a chipper employee for the requisite hour but now I'm going to be required to be a chipper employee forever! I'll be exposed as a fraud. It's only a matter of time. I'd give it about 2 hours before they realize I'm a shy, dour individual not the energetic, witty man in the suit they met at the interview. Poor them. Oh well. I guess that's their problem. If they were dumb enough to hire me! Oh god, what a horrible attitude.
I'm actually looking forward to starting a job though. It'll make me feel less guilty about sitting around in my free time. It's like I'll be able to say, "Hey I worked! I am now allowed, with impunity, to sit on my ass and surf the 'net 'til all hours of the night."
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October 2nd, 2005
08:05 am - Beautiful Chairs
I came across this collection of chair photos by Michael Wolf. I simply love them. I have a thing for chairs. They are anthropomorphic with their legs and arms and backs. I've taken many photos of unoccupied chairs myself to the consternation of some observers. They say, "Why are you taking pictures of an empty chair?" They just don't get it. Philistines. I wish I were better at using the language of art criticism to be able to describe what I mean. Oh well, maybe in another life I'll learn to express myself better. Here are the chairs, each one so poetic, they speak for themselves:
http://www.photomichaelwolf.com/bastard_chairs/index.html
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October 1st, 2005
01:58 pm - Repubelickins
Also, I think Republicans should henceforth be called "Repubelickins". Get it? Pube Lickin'? HAHAAAAAA! I'm so funny! I may not be the first person to think of this pun but think of it I did, all by myself. Damn proud of too, I might add. :-P
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01:42 pm
My friend invited me to go see a touring band called The Nationals. Never heard of them. So I dl'ed all of their songs. They are just ok. Kind of contemporary alt rock whatever. Well crafted but doesn't thrill me. I didn't relish paying money to stand in a smoky club for hours watching a band not rockin' enough to groove to. But I really wanted to hang out with friend and so I looped the songs thru my speakers all day hoping they'd grow on me.
Anyway, we met up at the rendezvous point in the evening and it turns out the show was held the previous night! Yay! Off the hook! So we rode bikes on a midnight stealth mission around the Seattle Center (site of 1962 World's Fair, location of The Space Needle) instead. Much more fun.
The moral? Something about needing to pretend that you like something your friend likes in order to hang out with them. And about how sometimes things work our for the best in spite of expectations. Serendipity?
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doranosaurus's journal