doranosaurus ([info]doranosaurus) wrote,
@ 2005-10-05 06:31:00
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My Housemate Lurking
My housemate is here. First time he's been here for two weeks. That's fine with me but when he is here, with his sinister footsteps, it makes me SOOO nervous! I hold my breath every time I hear his footsteps approach my side of the house, worrying that he'll knock on my door and ask me something. I'd really rather have him call me on my cellphone from his room to my room and make an appointment, crazy as that sounds.

I can't stand the idea of being interrupted at any time without warning. I'm usually sitting in my room, unshowered, half-clothed and trying to manage my everyday anxiety by getting lost in cyberspace. The spectre of being jarred out of my mindless stupor at any moment by my housemate is really stressing me out. Fortunately he's only here an hour a week!

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[info]janezanaddict
2005-10-06 01:56 am UTC (link)
You really painted a picture in my head with that entry man! He sounds scary! How long is he supposed to be staying with you? And when do you start your new job?

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[info]doranosaurus
2005-10-06 01:59 am UTC (link)
Hmm, he's not scary. It's my reactions that are inapropriate. I would essentially have the same reaction to anyone.

My job starts on Monday. I wonder if I should wear a tie since I'll be getting my employee photo for my ID card.

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[info]janezanaddict
2005-10-06 02:02 am UTC (link)
I think no tie, but that is just my own personal preference. I laid the laid back but knowledgeable look :) I'll be sending you some positive vibes on Monday!

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[info]janezanaddict
2005-10-06 02:02 am UTC (link)
uhhhh, that's LIKE the laid back look

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[info]kejn
2005-10-06 10:31 am UTC (link)
i was wondering how your housemate situation was working out. i'd hate it too, always straining to hear where the footsteps are going... sort of like having mice in the walls. you don't want that. :-)

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[info]doranosaurus
2005-10-06 02:32 pm UTC (link)
Very much like mice in the walls. But this is a 6 foot tall mouse who walks on two legs. I want to mention he's not a bad guy. It's more my reactions that's the problem.

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[info]razorback_shawn
2005-10-06 02:13 pm UTC (link)
I have a rule....no roommates except for personal friends. It sounds like a horror movie waiting to happen.

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[info]doranosaurus
2005-10-06 02:25 pm UTC (link)
HAHAHA. REDRUM!!!!

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[info]helianthas
2005-10-06 07:52 pm UTC (link)
my housemate and i were actually good friends and we'd *still* IM instead of hang out, lol.

Well, we did hang out, but a lot of the time the IM was the way to test the waters to see if the other wanted to be approached.

I was always so relieved when my housemates were gone and I had the place to myself.

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[info]doranosaurus
2005-10-07 03:20 am UTC (link)
That would make me happy, if he IM'ed me before knocking on my door.

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Saw you on
[info]astralweeks
2005-10-07 12:04 am UTC (link)
Saw you on [info]welfy's LJ. You seem frickin' AWESOME, so mind if I add you?

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Re: Saw you on
[info]doranosaurus
2005-10-07 02:31 am UTC (link)
Heheh, sure go ahead. I dare you!

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Re: Saw you on
[info]astralweeks
2005-10-07 10:30 am UTC (link)
Done and done. What'd I win?

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Re: Saw you on
[info]doranosaurus
2005-10-07 07:11 pm UTC (link)
Tragedy! LOLZ! Insanity! Navel gazing! Tedium! Romance! One of the year's ten best!

We have a lot in common based on your interests. Vegetarian, liberal, secular Jewish, mental illness, medical field. I worked as a medical assistant briefly, tho not certified. I looked into being a nurse but just can't get myself to be motivated to persue it. So much aboutthe job appeals to me but not the job itself! Haha. I love the good wages, flexibility, job prospects, an oocupation that contributes to people's well-being rather than many jobs which I consider contribute to the detriment of humanity and the earth. But I am uncomfortable around people. It saps my energy and i don't think I could do it on a regular basis.

How does BPD manifest itself in you? What's it like? I don't know much about it.

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Re: Saw you on
[info]astralweeks
2005-10-09 11:00 pm UTC (link)
Yes, seems we do have quite abit in common. Makes the "friending" process a bit easier, eh? I enjoy Medical Assisting. I plan to return to school soon for nursing, and i really look forward to it. Incidentially, before going to MA school, I thought I was anti-social, but it just turns out I have anxiety and stuff. Popping a pill daily makes it all go away... ah, science...

Nursing is the natural next step for me. I wonder if I could be a doctor, but would never go for it. Just curious, as I am fascinated by biology, pathology, physiology, and a host of other words that end in -ology. Also into health and nutrition. So there's a lot there.

As for BPD, generally I make very bad relationship decisions, getting involved with the guys that, well, I shouldn't. That's one of my biggest problems. When I am going through a rough time, I'm reckless, overly emotional, you name it. Fun times :)

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Re: Saw you on
[info]doranosaurus
2005-10-10 03:03 am UTC (link)
That sounds like bipolar. How is BPD different from bipolar mania?

What medication have you found that's effective for your social anxiety?

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Re: Saw you on
[info]astralweeks
2005-10-10 03:35 pm UTC (link)
This is the link I usually give people asking about BPD. It's essentially a mood disorder. There are no manias, we're like this all the time, pretty much. Depression, self-loathing and self-mutilating are pretty common (I'll tell you that story sometime). It's just crazy. The medication I am on is plain old Celexa, works wonders for me, though I am on the highest possible dose...

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Re: Saw you on
[info]doranosaurus
2005-10-11 12:48 am UTC (link)
I've tried about 20 different medications for depression and none have been noticably effective.

I read the description of BPD. Wow, that's a confusing diagnosis; so many of the symptoms are also components of other mental illnesses.

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[info]soopageek
2005-10-07 03:05 pm UTC (link)
What does your housemate do that he's there so infrequently? Travel? Stays with girlfriend? Secret agent man?

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[info]doranosaurus
2005-10-07 03:16 pm UTC (link)
I wish I knew. CIA operative is my guess. He did mention something about a girlfriend though. I really haven't talked to him for more than a half hour total.

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[info]arohanui
2005-10-12 07:12 am UTC (link)
I'm seriously having to think about going flatting with other people again, since my finances are getting so dire; my choices are narrowing to that or moving back permanently with my parents (eep!).

But bad as it is for me to be left inside my own head for too long, I do find living with others really stressful too, for much the reasons you describe. I love being able to come home and relax, to be able to stop worrying about what other people think the whole time.

Eh.


(BTW: The impending work must agree with you. You've been most witty of late. "CIA operative" *chortle*. "REDRUM" *double chortle*.)

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[info]doranosaurus
2005-10-13 02:14 am UTC (link)
(BTW: The impending work must agree with you. You've been most witty of late. "CIA operative" *chortle*. "REDRUM" *double chortle*.)

Aw, thanks sweetie. ;P Yeah, I'll have to admit that sitting in orientation classes is easy money and distracts me from thinking about my anxiety and depression. But I fear, in fact I'm fairly certain that once I actually start my job-specific orientation--and actually have to perform rather than recieve information--I will become my usual painfully self-critical self.

Part of why I choose low level jobs, whether consciously or unconsciously is that I feel if I undersell my abilities, then I will be better able to meet expectations and not be exposed as a loser.

So you are still in the throes of anxiety, is that why you can't work?

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